The Only 'Tism I Got is Patriotism
The Only ’Tism I Got is Patriotism – USA Sticker
Red, White, Blue, and Unmedicated
You ever hear a bald eagle scream so loud it shatters a can of Coors Light?
That’s the energy this USA sticker brings to your back bumper.
“The Only ’Tism I Got is Patriotism” is not a medical diagnosis—it’s a warning. A statement. A vibe. It’s the kind of sticker that comes with a free audio hallucination of Toby Keith yelling at a Tesla.
If you’ve ever had to clarify you’re “not that kind of online,” this was made for you.
Patriotism? Diagnosed.
This USA sticker wasn’t made in a lab. It was forged in the heart of a tailgate party, fed nothing but Miller High Life and reruns of Duck Dynasty.
You don’t need a therapy session. You need:
-
Fireworks
-
Gas station jerky
-
A lifted Silverado
-
And a bumper sticker that screams FREEDOM louder than your parole officer
This isn’t a sticker. It’s your political compass with two directions:
Straight and pissed.
Who Needs This USA Sticker?
This sticker is for:
-
People who own 7 pairs of camo shorts
-
Patriots with a love/hate relationship with the government
-
Dudes named Dusty who scream “1776” during court dates
-
Moms who bedazzle flags onto their Crocs
-
Anyone who’s ever yelled “I PAY YOUR SALARY” at a 17-year-old barista
If you’ve ever debated a speeding ticket by reciting the Constitution from memory, this sticker goes right next to your "Don’t Tread on Me" tattoo.
Product Specs – Built Ford Tough (But for Stickers)
-
Size: 8.5” x 2.5” – because anything smaller would be socialist
-
Material: Commercial-grade vinyl, semi-gloss finish
-
Sticker Version: Permanent (like your 4th of July hangover)
-
Magnet (20 mil): Swappable for different counties
-
Magnet Upgrade (30 mil): Cold-resistant for winters in Montana or family court
Each USA sticker is printed by a small business that values two things: freedom and thick vinyl.
Where to Slap It
-
Your truck’s bumper (right between the mudflaps and the NRA sticker)
-
Your cooler
-
Your uncle’s jet ski
-
Your grill (bonus if it’s shaped like a pig)
-
The back of a bald eagle taxidermy if you’re really about that life
-
The fridge you keep in the garage exclusively for Bud Heavies
Basically: wherever liberty lives, this sticker belongs.
Magnet vs Sticker – What Kind of Patriot Are You?
Sticker:
-
Permanent
-
Because freedom sticks
Magnet (20 mil):
-
Swappable
-
For folks who change counties often
Magnet Upgrade (30 mil):
-
Built for freezing temps and fiery Facebook arguments
And yes, most modern bumpers are plastic, so slap magnets on the trunk, doors, or any part of your ride not protected by Big Polymer.
Application Instructions – God Bless This Mess
Sticker:
-
Wipe down your surface (you won’t)
-
Peel like you’re unsealing classified documents
-
Apply with the confidence of a guy yelling “This is America!” in a Chipotle
-
Let it bake in the sun while you polish your Bass Pro loyalty card
Magnet:
-
Slap it on
-
Walk away
-
Listen for applause
Frequently Asked Freedom
Is this USA sticker waterproof?
Absolutely. Rain, shine, spilled beer—this baby sticks through it all.
Will this make my truck faster?
Yes. In the eyes of God and NASCAR.
Can I gift this to a veteran?
Only if they can handle this much raw energy.
Will people get offended?
Yup. That’s why it works.
Final Words From the Eagle That Haunts This Sticker
“The Only ’Tism I Got is Patriotism” is not just a USA sticker—it’s a full-body experience in 8.5 inches. It’s the sound of fireworks going off inside a gas station. It’s the energy of a Monster-fueled political Facebook comment brought to life in vinyl.
It’s not for everyone. But neither is freedom.
If you're the kind of person who refers to the Constitution as "The Rules," then this sticker belongs in your arsenal—right next to your tactical fanny pack and emotional support lawnmower.
Buy it. Slap it. Pledge allegiance.
Because nothing says liberty like a bumper sticker that confuses everyone in the school pickup line.