If the Epstein List "Disappeared"... So Can My Speeding Ticket
🧾 IF THE EPSTEIN LIST DISAPPEARED, SO CAN MY SPEEDING TICKET 🧾
A Government-Eraser Epstein Meme Satire Sticker for the Disillusioned and Fast-Moving
This isn’t just a funny bumper sticker—it’s your official paperwork for plausible deniability. If the government can make an entire list of high-profile names vanish without a trace, then your minor speeding ticket doesn’t stand a damn chance.
Introducing the only Epstein meme with horsepower: “If the Epstein List Disappeared, So Can My Speeding Ticket.” It’s bold. It’s chaotic. It’s printed. And it’s already halfway to the courthouse.
Perfect for people who brake for no one (unless they’re holding a redacted document), this sticker is your passive-aggressive nod to government coverups, legal loopholes, and that one time you got caught doing 97 in a school zone and swore it was for “research.”
Drive Fast. Deny Faster. Share an Epstein Meme (on the road).
Let’s face it—justice is inconsistent, memory holes are real, and if certain billionaires can vanish entire spreadsheets, you should get a pass for rolling that stop sign. This Epstein meme sticker plays on one of the most infamously erased moments in modern conspiracy lore—and turns it into a defense strategy for your questionable driving habits.
At 8.5” x 2.5”, it’s big enough to be legible to the feds but small enough to slip under their radar. Stick it on your bumper, your laptop, your filing cabinet of unpaid tolls—anywhere you need plausible deniability in high-gloss weatherproof vinyl.
This is peak satire. It’s also an excuse to turn heads in traffic, offend your HOA president, and make your local post office clerk wonder what kind of classified information you’re mailing.
Real Materials. Fake Names.
This isn’t some flimsy knockoff you’d find from a sketchy marketplace using pixelated screenshots of your dreams. Our funny bumper stickers are made with top-tier, commercial-grade vinyl designed to survive rain, sun, speed cameras, and FBI surveillance vans.
Want it as a magnet? Of course you do. Our standard 20 mil magnetic backing grips your car like a federal subpoena. Cold climate? Upgrade to 30 mil to keep things flat when the weather’s not. We're not saying it'll outlast your driving record—but it’s close.
Bold print. Weatherproof finish. Conspiracy-grade craftsmanship. It’s like Watergate, but make it fashion.
Small Biz. Big Secrets.
We’re Alyssa and Brian, two chaotic weirdos running Frog Mustard out of sheer spite, ADHD, and a busted shoulder. We’ve sold over 100,000 bumper stickers, landed in 80+ retail stores (including Zumiez), and still personally hand-pack every order.
We ship in 1–2 days with free U.S. shipping and just $5 international. No bots. No dropshipping. No redacted documents. Just two people and a printer with questionable morals.
We’ve battled copycats, IP claims, and capitalist dread—all so you can decorate your bumper with internet jokes that would get flagged by HR.
Why This Epstein Meme Sticker Belongs on Your Car:
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You “forgot” to pay that speeding ticket from 2022
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You believe in equal application of injustice
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You get nervous around shredder noises
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You’re chronically online
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You brake for nobody, unless it's a classified document
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You like your satire spicy, your stickers louder than congressional hearings
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You know damn well that list existed
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You’re just here to watch the world redact
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You think plausible deniability pairs well with a lead foot
FAQ
Q: Is this Epstein meme sticker legal to display?
Sure. We’re not lawyers, but the sticker didn’t vanish. You’re good.
Q: Will this make my car faster?
Only in spirit.
Q: Can I write off the sticker as a legal expense?
Ask your accountant. Ours stopped responding.
Q: Is this from a small business?
Yup. Two humans. Zero lists.
Q: Can this help me talk my way out of a ticket?
Absolutely not. But it might distract the officer just long enough.
Q: Why would I want this?
Because satire is the only thing left that sticks—and this one does literally.