Come Closer Kitten (Fedora)
A Bumper Sticker That Purrs with Power (and Emotional Damage)
This bumper sticker is not subtle. It's not tasteful. And it sure as hell isn't normal.
"Come Closer, Kitten" was ripped from the depths of internet irony and printed on weatherproof vinyl because some of us were born to menace the road with words instead of turn signals.
It’s the energy of a guy in a trench coat asking if you believe in “real” anime. It's the spiritual successor to “M’lady” in cursive. It’s the final boss of uncomfortable flirting—delivered in sticker form and slapped on your hatchback like a red flag with wheels.
Who Is This Bumper Sticker Actually For?
Let’s be honest: if you’ve even made it this far, this was made for you. But for the sake of the algorithm, here’s a breakdown of the ideal "Come Closer, Kitten" driver profile:
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You have an emotional connection to your Discord status
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You once tipped a fedora and meant it
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You ironically call people "kitten" in comments, but it’s not that ironic anymore
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Your car smells faintly of Dr Pepper and mystery
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You think anime is a personality (it is)
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You’re either extremely online or in the early stages of digital regression
This bumper sticker isn’t for everyone. It’s for someone. And that someone is unafraid to weaponize charm, cringe, and 8.5 inches of adhesive social chaos.
Sticker Details – For When She Just Doesn’t Understand Your Power
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Size: 8.5" x 2.5"
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Material: Commercially printed, high-grade weatherproof vinyl
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Finish: Semi-gloss for a subtle but dangerous glint
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Sticker: Permanent (unlike your situationship)
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Magnet (20 mil): Easy to remove in case of judgment
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Magnet Upgrade (30 mil): For cold climate stability and high shame tolerance
Made in small batches by an independent sticker shop run by people who have absolutely dated a guy with a katana.
Where Should You Put It?
This bumper sticker doesn’t belong in a drawer. It belongs outside—where judgment lives.
Suggested placements:
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Rear bumper: standard and unavoidable
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Laptop: especially if it already has 7 vaporwave decals
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Gaming console: for immersive cringe
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Fridge: to start a conversation you’ll immediately regret
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Mirror: because you need to confront your own behavior
Bonus points if you pair this with an anime body pillow in the passenger seat.
Sticker vs. Magnet – Choose Your Curse
Sticker:
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Forever. Just like your unresolved crush on a girl who calls herself “succubus_irl”
Magnet (20 mil):
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Remove when picking up your boss
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Easy to swap when you need to look employable
Magnet Upgrade (30 mil):
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Strong enough to endure snow, sleet, and being publicly called out on TikTok
Reminder: most modern car bumpers are plastic, so magnets need metal surfaces like trunks or side doors to cling. (Like you.)
Application Guide – You Only Get One Shot (Unless It's a Magnet)
Sticker:
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Clean the surface of sins
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Whisper “she’ll see me one day”
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Peel and stick like it’s your villain origin moment
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Stand back and admire your new red flag
Magnet:
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Slam it on with confidence
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Wink at your reflection
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Don’t explain anything to anyone
Frequently Asked Red Flags
Is this a serious product?
Dead serious. Satire has left the building. This bumper sticker is physically real and emotionally confusing.
Is it waterproof?
Yes. And weatherproof. And judgment-proof (depending on your vibe armor).
Can I give this as a gift?
Only if you want to be simultaneously blocked and praised.
Will people know I’m joking?
They’ll never know. That’s the fun part.
Final Meow
"Come Closer, Kitten" isn’t a bumper sticker.
It’s an attitude.
A warning.
A soft-spoken challenge whispered between glances at a Discord mod badge.
Buy this if you’re tired of subtlety.
Buy this if you’ve ever said “she just doesn’t understand me.”
Buy this if you are ready to become the villain in someone’s weird little story.
This isn’t for cowards.
This is for fedora soldiers of the night.