This Vehicle is WOKE
ATTENTION PATRIOTS AND SNOWFLAKES: THIS WOKE STICKER WILL TRIGGER EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)
Listen up, you magnificent specimens of humanity! We've created the most controversially hilarious woke sticker known to mankind. It's time to confuse every single person in the parking lot while you assert dominance with pure, unfiltered satire.
WHAT IN THE TACTICAL TOTE BAG IS THIS?
This isn't your average participation trophy of a bumper sticker. This is 8.5 inches of pure chaos that proudly declares "THIS VEHICLE IS WOKE" – woke sticker because nothing says "I'm secure in my masculinity" like announcing it to everyone at the stoplight. It's perfect for:
- Gun-toting yoga enthusiasts
- Steak-eating vegans
- CrossFit champions who secretly love bubble baths
- Anyone who owns both a power drill AND a meditation app
SPECIFICATIONS THAT'LL MAKE YOUR PROTEIN SHAKE QUIVER
Size & Strength (Like Your Gym Stats)
- Stretches a mighty 8.5" x 2.5"
- Thicker than your average conspiracy theory
- Harder to ignore than your ex's texts
Materials Tougher Than Your Last Workout
- Premium UV-resistant vinyl that bench presses sunlight
- Weatherproof like a tactical umbrella
- Raw, unlaminated finish (because real stickers don't need protection)
MAGNET UPGRADE: FOR THE COMMITMENT-PHOBIC WARRIOR
Can't commit? No judgment here, champion. Upgrade to our 30mil thick magnet that's:
- Stronger than your morning coffee
- More flexible than your excuses
- Easier to remove than that "tactical" beard
- WOKE STICKER WIN
MADE IN THE USA (WITH EXTRA FREEDOM)
Proudly crafted by Frog Mustard Stickers, where we:
- Support local businesses harder than your lifting belt
- Quality check each sticker with the precision of a sniper
- Ship faster than you can say "cultural appropriation"
APPLICATION INSTRUCTIONS (NO PARTICIPATION TROPHY INCLUDED)
- Clean surface (like you clean your gun)
- Peel backing (like peeling back society's expectations)
- Apply firmly (like your grip on reality)
- Smooth out bubbles (like smoothing over awkward political conversations at Thanksgiving)
DURABILITY FEATURES THAT LAST LONGER THAN YOUR RESOLUTIONS
- Survives rain like a duck in tactical gear
- Handles sun better than a bald eagle with sunglasses
- Stays strong through car washes and culture wars
SHIPPING DETAILS THAT'LL MAKE YOUR FREEDOM SOAR
- Ships in 1-3 business days from our Washington State compound
- Free shipping across all 50 states (yes, even California)
- International shipping available (spreading freedom worldwide)
WHY THIS WOKE STICKER IS YOUR NEW BATTLE CRY
- Perfect conversation starter at gun ranges AND farmer's markets
- Makes your car 420% more controversial
- Ideal for:
- Social experiment enthusiasts
- Professional pot-stirrers
- People who own both camo AND tie-dye
- Anyone who enjoys watching heads explode
THE FROG MUSTARD STICKERS GUARANTEE
Each sticker is backed by our "Trigger Warning" guarantee. If this doesn't start at least three conversations about society's decline, we'll be more shocked than a vegan at a BBQ competition.
FINAL THOUGHTS (FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF KEEPING IT REAL)
You could put any basic sticker on your car. OR you could choose this masterpiece that combines satire, social commentary, and pure chaotic energy into one perfect rectangle of confusion. The choice is yours, but like choosing between protein shakes and kale smoothies – why not have both?
Don't let your vehicle blend in with the sheeple. Make it a rolling contradiction that'll have everyone questioning everything they thought they knew about you.
🦅 ORDER NOW before society becomes too polite! 🦅
Warning: May cause spontaneous debates in parking lots. Frog Mustard Stickers cannot be held responsible for any ideological crises that may occur as a result of displaying this sticker. Side effects may include: confused neighbors, unexpected high-fives, and the simultaneous approval and disapproval of your entire family.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (THAT KEEP US UP AT NIGHT)
Q: Will this sticker make my truck less manly?
A: Impossible. This sticker actually increases your vehicle's testosterone levels by 69%. Science can't explain it, but our lab coat-wearing team (who also owns multiple firearms) confirms it.
Q: Can I put this on my Prius?
A: Absolutely. In fact, putting this on a Prius creates a paradox so powerful it might accidentally solve climate change. Or start a civil war in your local Whole Foods parking lot. Results may vary.
Q: Is this sticker compatible with my "Don't Tread On Me" flag?
A: Like mixing protein powder with oat milk, some combinations are surprisingly perfect. This woke sticker plays well with others, creating confusion levels previously thought impossible.
Q: Will this affect my vehicle's performance?
A: Studies show this woke sticker adds approximately 15 imaginary horsepower and makes your vehicle 200% more likely to be discussed in therapy sessions.
BONUS CONTENT: MORE REASONS TO JOIN THE REVOLUTION
The Perfect Gift For:
- Your conservative uncle who needs a sense of humor
- Your liberal aunt who needs to lighten up
- That neighbor who can't take a joke
- Anyone who enjoys watching people do mental gymnastics
Scientific Benefits:
- Increases parking spot availability (people will be too confused to park near you)
- Improves your cardio (from running away from heated discussions)
- Strengthens core muscles (from laughing at reactions)
- Burns calories (from explaining the joke)
Remember, in a world of sheep and wolves, be whatever this sticker is. Order now and embrace the chaos! Because nothing says "I'm above the culture war" like jumping right into it with both boots on and a smile on your face.
Additional Warning: Side effects may include becoming the main character at every gas station, getting thumbs up AND middle fingers simultaneously, and achieving enlightenment through confusion.