🎩 Piper, Nooo! Tsunahhhmi Bewdisuhm Noooo Nooooooo – The White Lotus Hat 🏝️
Introducing the only hat capable of shielding you from both UV rays and unsolicited family secrets.
Straight from the sun-soaked trauma of The White Lotus Season Whatever-We’re-Calling-It, this hat screams (quite literally), “I paid $1,200 a night for this existential breakdown, and I will be sun-safe while spiraling!”
Crafted from ethically sourced delusion and woven with 100% "please don't make me do this, Piper" energy, this wide-brimmed wonder is perfect for:
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Pacing dramatically by the infinity pool
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Whisper-screaming into Aperol Spritzes
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Storming out of yoga because the instructor looked at you weird
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And of course—ducking behind it mid-“tsunahhhmi of bewdisuhm
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Warning: Wearing this hat may cause strangers to ask, “Are you okay?” and for you to respond, “I don’t have to be.”
Get yours today, before Piper books another excursion.
